Thursday, May 10, 2018

KENNETT: Domestic enemies

Dearest Partner and I were taking a pleasant stroll through Kennett after dinner when we saw two notices tacked up on a utility pole. The first words that caught my eye on one of them were "Microwave Harassment."
"Why would anyone want to harass their microwave?" I asked in confusion (you can tell I've been spending a lot of time in the kitchen recently). "I mean, what would you say anyway, `You didn't defrost that very well, now, did you'?"
D.P. joined in, offering his own insults: "You call that a beep!" and "I've seen better popcorn poppers at the movie theater!"
He then explained that some conspiracy theorists (including, apparently, those who posted the notices) believe that spy agencies are transmitting microwave energy to gain control over our thoughts for their own world domination purposes.
He heard it on AM radio; it must be true.

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