My fitness instructor at the Jennersville Y -- let's call her "Pepper" -- just earned her personal trainer certification. She was stunned at the news because she was certain she had failed her exam miserably: for example, she said her mind had gone blank when she was asked to coach someone through a squat using proper body mechanics.
A friend of her e-mailed the good news to Pepper's boss, who was on vacation: "Pepper passed."
The boss got back, read the note and was horrified, thinking that "passed" meant that Pepper had gone to that Great Gym in the Sky. Fortunately, she quickly realized that there's no way the news would've been transmitted in such a cavalier way.
She told Pepper the story and assured her that OF COURSE her first thought on reading the e-mail had not been, "Who the heck am I going to get to cover all of Pepper's classes?"
Friday, October 28, 2011
A winner
In high school, at the end of senior year, I won the Future Homemaker of the Year award. This brought howls of laughter and much ribbing from my friends, as (back then) I didn't plan meals, cook, sew, clean, select upholstery fabric, or watch kids.
The only reason I took the qualifying test was that it got me out of calculus class one morning. As I recall it was mostly questions about how many rolls of wallpaper you'd need to cover such-and-such amount of wall space. I think there was an essay question about the modern American family, which I'm sure I batted out of the park. When I won, the girls who'd spent most of their high-school years perfecting their homemaking arts in the home-ec suite were not at all happy.
Well, maybe there was something more predictive about this award than I thought. For one, I'm about to share with you a great recipe for lemon cookies. I made them for a reception yesterday afternoon and people were literally stuffing them in their pockets.
Ready?
Buy a box of Krusteaz Lemon Bars Supreme Mix. Follow the instructions for lemon crisps on the side panel. Use local eggs, melt the two sticks of butter first, and use bare, ungreased cookie sheets. I even omitted the rolling-in-granulated-sugar part and they were still fantastic.
(Thanks for Corky, Chase and Kevin's mommy for this great idea!)
The only reason I took the qualifying test was that it got me out of calculus class one morning. As I recall it was mostly questions about how many rolls of wallpaper you'd need to cover such-and-such amount of wall space. I think there was an essay question about the modern American family, which I'm sure I batted out of the park. When I won, the girls who'd spent most of their high-school years perfecting their homemaking arts in the home-ec suite were not at all happy.
Well, maybe there was something more predictive about this award than I thought. For one, I'm about to share with you a great recipe for lemon cookies. I made them for a reception yesterday afternoon and people were literally stuffing them in their pockets.
Ready?
Buy a box of Krusteaz Lemon Bars Supreme Mix. Follow the instructions for lemon crisps on the side panel. Use local eggs, melt the two sticks of butter first, and use bare, ungreased cookie sheets. I even omitted the rolling-in-granulated-sugar part and they were still fantastic.
(Thanks for Corky, Chase and Kevin's mommy for this great idea!)
Visitors from Texas
Santa Gertrudis beef cattle are back grazing on the pastures of the former King Ranch after an absence of 20 years. They were brought up to West Marlborough from Texas because of the severe droughts there, and more are expected to arrive shortly.
You can see the reddish-brown beasts grazing on the east side of Route 82 north of Blow Horn.
In the olden days, I'm told, watching the cowboys offload the cattle from trains was a highlight of the year that brought out the whole community. And their return to our Unionville pastures brought forth an outpouring of nostalgia among longtime residents this past week.
Retired Unionville schoolteacher Don Silknitter recalled, "We used to march the kids across the field near Blow Horn to check out the lime kilns. The cows used to follow us, and then surround us. On one local history tour we found a cow that fell into one of the kilns. Rusty [Wilmont]'s dad had to rope and drag it out because the way it was laying it could not get up. He told me if we wouldn't have shown up when we did it would have probably died in about an hour or two."
"They're cute when they are little... Ugly as a full-grown monster though," said Rob Mastrippolito Jr. "I saw a pair of 'em beat the daylights out of a Ford pickup truck with two white-faced cowboys inside when I was a little kid."
According to the King Ranch's website, the Santa Gertrudis breed "is recognized worldwide as being able to function productively in hot, humid and unfavorable environments. In order to accomplish this goal, King Ranch breeding experts selectively crossed Indian Brahman cattle with British Shorthorns." It was the first beef breed developed in the United States.
You can see the reddish-brown beasts grazing on the east side of Route 82 north of Blow Horn.
In the olden days, I'm told, watching the cowboys offload the cattle from trains was a highlight of the year that brought out the whole community. And their return to our Unionville pastures brought forth an outpouring of nostalgia among longtime residents this past week.
Retired Unionville schoolteacher Don Silknitter recalled, "We used to march the kids across the field near Blow Horn to check out the lime kilns. The cows used to follow us, and then surround us. On one local history tour we found a cow that fell into one of the kilns. Rusty [Wilmont]'s dad had to rope and drag it out because the way it was laying it could not get up. He told me if we wouldn't have shown up when we did it would have probably died in about an hour or two."
"They're cute when they are little... Ugly as a full-grown monster though," said Rob Mastrippolito Jr. "I saw a pair of 'em beat the daylights out of a Ford pickup truck with two white-faced cowboys inside when I was a little kid."
According to the King Ranch's website, the Santa Gertrudis breed "is recognized worldwide as being able to function productively in hot, humid and unfavorable environments. In order to accomplish this goal, King Ranch breeding experts selectively crossed Indian Brahman cattle with British Shorthorns." It was the first beef breed developed in the United States.
Funny bunny
A faithful Tilda reader sent in this tip:
"Have you seen the bunny on 926 at Schoolhouse Road (east of Willowdale)? (S)he was dressed as Darth Vader for Halloween but is now a bank robber. Too funny. The bunny changes clothes periodically. Those folks are very clever."
I agree! The felonious rabbit, already in convict stripes, is wearing a mask and holding a $$ money bag and a flashlight that glows red at night. And it looks like there's an inflatable police car hot on the trail, with one of East Marlborough's finest ready to arrest the bunny's cotton tail.
The same reader also directed me to the extensive work that's being done on the old barn on the Mill Road farm known locally as the "Great Wall of Kennett" (because the new owners have erected a quarter-mile-long stucco-over-stone wall). "It appears to have been raised off its pillars so the foundation can be reinforced. Looks like it will be lowered back into place when repairs are done," said my tipster. "Amazing sight."
"Have you seen the bunny on 926 at Schoolhouse Road (east of Willowdale)? (S)he was dressed as Darth Vader for Halloween but is now a bank robber. Too funny. The bunny changes clothes periodically. Those folks are very clever."
I agree! The felonious rabbit, already in convict stripes, is wearing a mask and holding a $$ money bag and a flashlight that glows red at night. And it looks like there's an inflatable police car hot on the trail, with one of East Marlborough's finest ready to arrest the bunny's cotton tail.
The same reader also directed me to the extensive work that's being done on the old barn on the Mill Road farm known locally as the "Great Wall of Kennett" (because the new owners have erected a quarter-mile-long stucco-over-stone wall). "It appears to have been raised off its pillars so the foundation can be reinforced. Looks like it will be lowered back into place when repairs are done," said my tipster. "Amazing sight."
Thursday, October 27, 2011
On the menu
At the Half-Moon in Kennett I usually order a buffalo burger, but while I was scanning the menu the other night the buffalo short-rib sandwich caught my eye.
"That's my father's favorite!" commented our waitress.
I agree with her father; it was just delicious. It came with caramelized onions and a hint of horseradish cream, and the bread was focaccia. Another winner from the Half-Moon's kitchen!
"That's my father's favorite!" commented our waitress.
I agree with her father; it was just delicious. It came with caramelized onions and a hint of horseradish cream, and the bread was focaccia. Another winner from the Half-Moon's kitchen!
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Phlebotomy
First thing this morning I went for my yearly routine lab tests at the Quest Diagnostics lab in the little shopping center to the east of the Kennett Wal-Mart. Because some of the "normal" values they compare your numbers to are calculated based on fasting levels, you're not supposed to eat breakfast before you go in. So I didn't and I was really missing my bowl of cereal, having had only a salad for dinner some 14 hours earlier.
So what was the first thing the lab tech said to me?
"Wow, is my stomach rumbling! I only had a bagel for breakfast."
I burst out laughing.
"Uh, guess what: you're not gonna get any sympathy from me," I said.
She realized that hadn't been the most tactful remark, and she chuckled and apologized.
But what's impressive is that during this conversation, she'd already poked my arm without hurting me one bit and extracted the two vials needed. Honestly, I barely noticed.
So what was the first thing the lab tech said to me?
"Wow, is my stomach rumbling! I only had a bagel for breakfast."
I burst out laughing.
"Uh, guess what: you're not gonna get any sympathy from me," I said.
She realized that hadn't been the most tactful remark, and she chuckled and apologized.
But what's impressive is that during this conversation, she'd already poked my arm without hurting me one bit and extracted the two vials needed. Honestly, I barely noticed.
Suspicious activity
I've been working with this one client for probably 15 years. He retired as the president of a major publishing house, got bored without a challenge and started his own software firm. He is a larger-than-life character, both figuratively and literally, and over the past few weeks we've been struggling to straighten out a particularly bug-prone content-management program.
So this morning I was surprised when he called me and started chortling rather than wailing about what new software problems had surfaced overnight with our colleagues in India.
It seems he'd just received a call from one of his credit-card companies saying someone had used his credit-card number to make some kind of nutritional purchase from a body-building website.
Instead of being outraged, he thought this was hilarious. He took a look at the website, roared with laughter and told the credit-card rep, "Are you kidding me? I couldn't look like that even if I had extensive plastic surgery!"
He offered to send a photo of himself if she needed proof.
She said no, that wasn't necessary. He wouldn't be billed for it.
So this morning I was surprised when he called me and started chortling rather than wailing about what new software problems had surfaced overnight with our colleagues in India.
It seems he'd just received a call from one of his credit-card companies saying someone had used his credit-card number to make some kind of nutritional purchase from a body-building website.
Instead of being outraged, he thought this was hilarious. He took a look at the website, roared with laughter and told the credit-card rep, "Are you kidding me? I couldn't look like that even if I had extensive plastic surgery!"
He offered to send a photo of himself if she needed proof.
She said no, that wasn't necessary. He wouldn't be billed for it.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Forgive any typos
I've been getting some very peculiar text messages from a friend's iPhone recently. In one she mentioned that her "blackfish" was coming later in the week, and in another she told me she was trying to track down information about an injured rider via the local "goodness wireless."
I thought that perhaps "Blackfish" was some kind of a code-named writing project; "goodness wireless" I couldn't make any sense of.
But at lunch today we figured out what was going on. Her iPhone was on auto-correct: she had meant to type "blacksmith" and "hoofbeat wireless" (her term for the local equestrian grapevine).
When we stopped laughing, she fetched the offending smart phone and reprogrammed it to stop auto-correcting. Shame; I'll miss these baffling texts.
I thought that perhaps "Blackfish" was some kind of a code-named writing project; "goodness wireless" I couldn't make any sense of.
But at lunch today we figured out what was going on. Her iPhone was on auto-correct: she had meant to type "blacksmith" and "hoofbeat wireless" (her term for the local equestrian grapevine).
When we stopped laughing, she fetched the offending smart phone and reprogrammed it to stop auto-correcting. Shame; I'll miss these baffling texts.
Angels of the first degree
Tilda's Customer Service Award of the Month goes to the outpatient
registration folks at Jennersville Hospital.
I went in for my yearly
mammogram first thing in the morning (yes, I cluster all of my routine medical appointments into one week) and, naturally, left the prescription hanging
on the fridge at home. I thought, yikes, I'll have to drive all the way back
home, I'll be late for my appointment and then for the board meeting right after
that ...
Nope. The wonderful
woman behind the desk simply called my doctor's office and they faxed over the
script immediately (lots of thanks to them, too!). I got the test done and was out of there by 8:25
a.m.
"Impressive" doesn't begin to describe it.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Stink bug update
So where are they?
Entomological prognosticators advised us that in mid-September the stink bugs would invade our houses again, in even larger numbers than before. But so far that just hasn't happened. I've had two bad days when there were dozens of the disgusting pests on the walls and windows, but since then, maybe -- MAYBE -- only a couple a day.
One theory proposes that the heavy rain we've had in recent weeks has slowed them down. Or maybe they're just waiting until it gets colder outside.
But I've got my defenses all ready. I bought special lighted traps that a high-school friend of mine designed; I want to try Hal Lewis's "death on a stick" sticky device (it's like a Swiffer with a sticky pad on the mop end); and a friend of a friend wants me to try out a prototype of his trap.
And I've heard that those old-fashioned fly-paper spirals work too.
Entomological prognosticators advised us that in mid-September the stink bugs would invade our houses again, in even larger numbers than before. But so far that just hasn't happened. I've had two bad days when there were dozens of the disgusting pests on the walls and windows, but since then, maybe -- MAYBE -- only a couple a day.
One theory proposes that the heavy rain we've had in recent weeks has slowed them down. Or maybe they're just waiting until it gets colder outside.
But I've got my defenses all ready. I bought special lighted traps that a high-school friend of mine designed; I want to try Hal Lewis's "death on a stick" sticky device (it's like a Swiffer with a sticky pad on the mop end); and a friend of a friend wants me to try out a prototype of his trap.
And I've heard that those old-fashioned fly-paper spirals work too.
Telephone
We have to listen to so many inane, high-volume cell-phone conversations -- for instance, the other day at the supermarket a woman was standing in front of the ice-cream section, with the freezer door wide open, yacking about what kind of ice cream to buy. Imagine, then, my luck at overhearing two fascinating ones at the Kennett Y this weekend!
The first was a doctor answering a page. He was pacing up and down the corridor, so I didn't get the full conversation, but I heard "renal insufficiency" and "infection" and "trach tube." With that calm, decisive authority that doctors project, he reassured the nurse on the other end of the line that the patient was OK, although "we'll take a look at him tomorrow."
The second was a Unionville girl planning her Homecoming weekend. She had all the facts at her fingertips: where her friends lived, who was picking them up, what their curfews were, who didn't want to ride in the same car with whom. I was impressed with her organizational skills and envious of her youthful stamina: it sounded like her weekend was a wall-to-wall lineup of sports, parties, dates, and movies.
The first was a doctor answering a page. He was pacing up and down the corridor, so I didn't get the full conversation, but I heard "renal insufficiency" and "infection" and "trach tube." With that calm, decisive authority that doctors project, he reassured the nurse on the other end of the line that the patient was OK, although "we'll take a look at him tomorrow."
The second was a Unionville girl planning her Homecoming weekend. She had all the facts at her fingertips: where her friends lived, who was picking them up, what their curfews were, who didn't want to ride in the same car with whom. I was impressed with her organizational skills and envious of her youthful stamina: it sounded like her weekend was a wall-to-wall lineup of sports, parties, dates, and movies.
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